Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Words Cannot Convey My Dismay

I believe it is probably safe to assume that anyone reading this here doesn't know much about me as I haven't really spread much of my wings on Blogger so I will begin with a bit of background on me.

I'm a 17 year old senior in High School. Brown hair, blue eyes, the whole bit. And for those who honestly know nothing of me, I have wanted to join the Navy for nearly the past two years of my life. Maybe that isn't much, but I have based and formed an idea of my future around the idea that I was to enter.

Let me give you a bit more information: I was diagnosed with ADHD by a woman who had been diagnosing children for twenty years; she said I was the worse case she had seen thus far.
I also have depression. I don’t really know what type or how bad it is, I just know that the medication I take for it is and has been very important since I started taking it.

I actually didn’t realize how bad my depression was until I started the medication and finally started to feel… okay.

I talked with a friend (either last night or the night before, I forget. Sleep deprivation.) and I expressed how I felt like… Dependent on it. They said “Well, you wouldn’t say a diabetic is dependent on insulin, would you?” They could honestly not have made a better analogy. And it’s true. I take the lowest dose of my medication but it literally makes a world of a difference.

Well, for those of you who haven't or aren't going in to the military, if you are taking medication for ADHD/ADD, anxiety or depression, you are automatically ineligible to enter the Navy until you have been off the medication for a year.

All of these things you are born with, have no control over, and cannot help.

I really wish I could fully come to understand why they do this but I am so disappointed. I obviously refuse to drop my anti-depressants right now as I'm am going through some tough shit. It would be just silly of me to even try at this point.

But I honestly don't think I can ever just not take them. Depression is something I have, not something I can make go away or cure. Maybe someday I'll be able to handle it without the aid of medication but I just don't see that happening anytime soon. It saddens me that the government doesn't see or understand that.

ADD/ADHD is something that can even being crippling; and it has definitely impacted my life both negatively and positively. It's only by choice that I am not medicating for it. I am lucky enough to not require it to function. But it is also something I cannot get rid of. This all goes hand in hand with anxiety.

So, today, I am just feeling very let down and sad that I may never be able to go into the service. Something that really could have been a career in my life. And I may no longer be able to do it. Because I was born with depression. Because I feel I cannot function properly without the medication. Because the ignorance of the reality of my mental illness is still ignored by so many, and this truly, really saddens me.


Saturday, August 11, 2012


Currently working on translating "Colors of the Wind" into Vulcan. It's a slow process but I'll put something worthwhile on here eventually.

Sorry this first post is short and sweet but it won't be my last.

Sochya eh dif